Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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