I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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