I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
