i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
