Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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