It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
pop tarts are not kleenex
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
