I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
