captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
