Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
