i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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