You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
