I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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