We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
