Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
