I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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