im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
