the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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