How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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