He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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