you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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