how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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