I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
