Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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