I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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