i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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