Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
