Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
