after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize