stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
