could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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