I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
