Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
