You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We had to coat check the pizza.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
