please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
