Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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