...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
