There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
