I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
