omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
