she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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