Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
