I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
