There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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