WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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