hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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