Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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