I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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