im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I've blown a few things in my day
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
