the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
