You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
