Moan for me like Helen Keller
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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