Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
