I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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