I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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