too bad you live with your parents still
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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