So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
