we made out on top of his cat.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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