dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
