i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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