i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
