How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
