weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
