wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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