you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
