nut hugger
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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