I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
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