Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I have demons in me.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize