I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize