just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
