I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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