if you like me you must not know who I am
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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