In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize