why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
