worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
