So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize