she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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