i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
