are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize