he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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