I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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