So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
