shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I had to cum in my sink.
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