i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize